Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
dude. I can hear the air.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize