You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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