im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
