bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize