Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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