I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
