Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
