Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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