Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I am naked and annoyed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
