I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Randomize
