Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
