I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
