Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
