What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
