she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
