It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
