So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
