so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
do nipples grow back?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
