I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize