I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
