I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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