If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I see more hoeing in ur future
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
