fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have aggressive nipples.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize