Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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