He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
