I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize