The maid of honor just puked.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
