that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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