i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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