Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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