my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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