We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
