omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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