Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
