If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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