I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize