This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
