He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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