I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
