I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
