Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
