Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
