I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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