i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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