Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
then he tried to convert me to islam
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So much Jack, so little girl.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
