I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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