I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
