Life is so much better after having sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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