The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
