thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
