ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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