just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize