Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
