I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
