I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize