I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
