every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
