listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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