i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
