DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
