Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
