You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
