I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
