I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
