When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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