I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
