Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
