Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
