I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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