i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
