I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize