I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
