It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
