we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I still have a little drunk in my system
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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