OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
