laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
