she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you had me at cake vodka
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
